You’ve being exiled to a private island, and your captors will only supply you with five foods. What do you pick?


Okay, first of all, I have to admit, this sounds like a dream vacation to me.  A private island all to myself?  Just me and the wildlife?  And my “captors” are going to cook for me EVERY DAY?  Sounds perfect.  Sign me up.

Although, picking five foods is tough for me.  Not because I love so many foods, but because I really don’t care what I eat.  My choices will be ordinary and uncreative.  Probably practical (Is this a tropical island?  If so, does fruit grow on trees there?  Because then “fruit” doesn’t have to be one of the five foods).  Eating for me is about not feeling hungry.  It rarely has anything to do with pleasure.  I’ve tried to change this many times over the years, but alas, I will never be a foodie.  I do enjoy trying new foods, and I will try almost anything, but I am a person who eats to live, not vice versa.

Be prepared to read this and be utterly underwhelmed by my choices.

1)  Roast Chicken.  And leave the crispy skin on please.  When I was young, I was tested for allergies and discovered that I was allergic to chicken and turkey.  I didn’t eat chicken or turkey for over 25 years.  When I was 33, I went for another allergy test, just to see if the allergy still existed and . . . it didn’t.  A week later, I was hand fed chicken in the doctor’s office and had no reaction whatsoever.  Bring on the roasted bird.  I like the dark meat the best, but I also love the crispy skin.  This summer, we’re planning to raise some meat birds (since this year, I’m trying to only eat meat that I’ve killed).  This is starting to sound really barbaric.

2)  Fresh Bread.  I haven’t bought a loaf of grocery store bread in over two years.  I bought a used bread machine from Value Village, found an awesome recipe that never fails, and I make a fresh loaf of bread every week.  Only six ingredients: yeast, water, flour, butter, sugar, and salt.  It tastes great, it makes the house smell good, and it’s soooooo cheap (and easy*).

*I could totally have been a Pioneer if I’d had modern appliances to do all the work.

3)  Coffee.  Technically, a beverage, but the way I consume it, it’s really its own little food group.  I would require a large, hot cup of black coffee with breakfast, another large cup mid-afternoon, and a shot of espresso after supper (I’m assuming on this island that I can revert to my natural night owl rhythms and stay up til 3 a.m. therefore having espresso after supper won’t ruin my chances of getting to bed at a decent hour).

4)  Oatmeal.  I eat oatmeal for breakfast every morning (what? no, I’m not stuck in a routine).  I would cut up some island fruit and put some coconut milk in it (although I may have to request some maple syrup on the side).

5)  Cheezies.  And they must be Hawkins Cheezies.  Late night snacking requires junk food.

I think that list will keep me alive and satisfied.

Unless there’s no wild fruit on the island.  Then I would do the smart thing and replace “Cheezies” with “Fruit.”

No specific fruit, just any fruit will do.  A variety, please.  “Surprise me”, I would tell my captors.  They would be smart asses and bring me a tomato.  But the joke would be on them because I like tomatoes, actually.  But only garden grown, and they would extra jerks and bring me hot-house GMO tomato that is giant, but has no flavour and a woody texture because they are my captors and they can’t be too nice to me.

Can you tell I only got a few hours sleep last night?  I have ten minutes to nap before I have to pick up the baby from daycare.  See you tomorrow!